PEACE OUT?!

MWP nails James Harden

Unless you have been residing in a cave somewhere with the recently deported wives of Osama bin Laden over in Pakistan, you probably heard about Laker misfit, Metta World Peace's (aka Ron Artest) vicious elbow to the head of OKC's James Harden's noggin in last Sunday's NBA tilt. This topic has consumed the air-waves here in LA since the dastardly deed was committed. NBA dictator, David Stern finally issued MWP's punishment: A 7 game suspension. So, Ron-Ron missed tonight's insignificant laugher vs. Jimmer and the Sac Town Kings and will miss the subsequent 6 Laker play-off games. Personally, I think he got off easy. If Metta weren't a Laker, I would classify him a thug right up there with that mental midget, Kenyon Martin of the Clippers. Too bad Martin didn't stay over in China or wherever the heck he was. At any rate, I was ready to move on once Ronnie's suspension was revealed, but the guy just won't shut up! He's on Twitter, on the radio, in the paper. He goes on and on. If you have seen the video, Artest clearly wound up and clubbed Harden. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't inadvertent. But check out this quote from LA Times writer Mike Bresnahan's story in today's paper. "I didn't lose it. It was bad timing for me. Physically, it was bad timing for Mr. Harden," said Artest. "Who could write up a left-handed dunk then all of a sudden somebody's right behind you. It's hard to draw that up and to plan something like that." OK, so I guess Ron didn't do anything wrong, poor old Jimmy Harden just happened to walk into that flying elbow?....It's no news flash that MWP has a checkered, violent past and some anger management issues, but come on, Ron. You gotta be fracking kidding me! Ronnie, how old are you? When I was around 9 years old I was playing in the street with my little neighborhood buddies back in 'Fork Town.' I got into a dispute with Donnie (which happened almost daily) who was hollering at me from the other side of the road. Back in the day, one of my favorite pastimes was throwing rocks. I picked up a big one and hurled it in the general direction of that darn Donnie. Regrettably, a car came down the street at that exact moment. With deadly accuracy that rock crashed through the windshield! Horrified, I fled and hid. My so called 'buddies' ratted me out to Mr. Hone, the driver of the car. Mr. Hone was a neighbor and also one of our fine city's 'Sanitation Engineers.' Yup, he was a trash man. Mr. Trash Man wasn't too happy with me. He asked me why in the HELL I was throwing rocks in the street. I insolently replied, "If you hadn't come down the street, this would have never happened!" Aghast at my childish, unrepentant remark, he drove off saying something about him talking to my dad. Oh crap, was I in for it. Needless to say, later that evening, my dad drove me over to the Hone's where I begged their forgiveness and assured them I would pay for the broken window. I was 9 and I would hope to think I learned something from the incident. Sadly, Ron-Ron will never change. The guy is on thin ice, now. One more temper/emotion fueled misstep, and he'll be banished from the NBA for good. Will MWP ever learn? Down in the Tongan Islands they have saying that goes like this, "Laku maka fai ki tahi." Translated, this means "Like trying to fill the ocean with rocks." In other words, no matter how hard you try, it will never happen. Will Ron-Ron ever quit 'throwing rocks'? I think we all know the answer.

"Laku maka fai ki tahi."

Resistance is Futile!

Micutis of Borg

I turned 56 a week ago. It wasn't so much a celebration as just a ripping of another page off the calendar of life. I did receive some nice gifts: a great watch from my daughter and an awesome talking Star Wars book from my best friend Steve. Birthdays are nice, but when you get to be my age, you really don't need yet another reminder of one's mortality. Well, mortality found me again last night. I had to endure another dreaded sleep study. I know this is a shocker, but I snore. I have previously been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and was prescribed a c-pap machine a few years back. The trouble is, I have never been able to tolerate that Darth Vader mask. In fact, the only time before last night that I ever successfully slept with that monstrosity on was during my first sleep study, several years ago. Well, over the years, the snoring has reached Chewbacca proportions and my wife is threatening to send me to the 'neutral zone.' There I was again last night at Pacific Sleep Center for assimilation. The technician, Tawny, was incredibly nice as she applied glue to my head, face, chest and leg and proceeded to attach so many wires that I began to feel like one of  'The Collective.' Once, hook up was complete, I retired to my room where I would be videoed, monitored, poked and prodded. Finally, after tossing and turning for what seemed hours, I must have dozed off. Almost instantly, Tawny appeared at my bedside telling me I needed to sleep on my back now. After waking myself up snoring about 20 times, here comes Tawny again to hook me up to the c-pap machine. This is what I had been dreading for so long. Let me set this up for you: I have wires glued to my head, electric leads wrapped around my torso and a mask over my nose forcing air down the nasal cavity. A pulse/ox cord is taped to my left index finger with a LED light giving the room a red glow. I swear I can hear Lord Vader breathing slowly, in and out, in the darkness. But, wait, that's me! Miraculously, I have somehow fallen asleep.....And then, Tawny shows up again, wakes me and asks, you guessed it, could I sleep on my back again. Whew, Tawny is nice, but relentless. I comply, and then she is back! Now she tightens the mask to the point of abject claustrophobic proportions. What does she want from me! I thought this was a 'sleep' study! Finally, for the last time, Tawny reenters my sleep chamber of horrors and says, "Good morning." It's finally over, resistance WAS futile.I have been assimilated. I am now Micutis of Borg...........................

The Tale of Two Movies/ John Carter Mutes The Artist

Friday afternoons have become movie day for my wife and I in recent months. I have been in deep anticipation for quite some time for the premiere today of 'John Carter'. Meanwhile, my wife and her best bud Glenda wanted to see the highly touted, critically acclaimed, 'The Artist'.  The plan was lunch at the Cheescake Factory then off to the movies. What a quandary. I would rather be tortured for 2 hours by Jack Bauer than sit through 'The Artist'.... But, in this wonderful era of the multiplex, I was able to find a showing of both films starting at about the same time and ending about the same time. Perfect! Kar and Glenda go see the silent film with the barking dog and I see a potentially great SyFy epic.  'John Carter' was fantastic!

 I love it when a movie exceeds even my lofty expectations. I purposely selected  the 2D version. This recent 3D craze is overblown and overrated. What a great choice. The film was shot on location in southern Utah with some great scenes filmed at Lake Powell. 'John Carter' is based on a work of pulp fiction penned by the Godfather of SyFy, Edgar Rice Burroughs. His 1917 book was entitled 'Princess of  Mars' and was book 1 of 11 in his Barsoom (Mars) series. Burroughs' imagination inspired many other writers and filmmakers. Taylor Kitsch of Friday Night Lights fame

plays John Carter, a confederate officer who lost his family in Josey Wales fashion. While prospecting in Arizona after the war he discovers a sacred cave with a major vein of gold. After a series of miraculous events he finds himself transported to Mars and lands in the middle of a civil war of sorts there. He, of course, becomes a hero and gets the girl. If you love Star Wars, Star Trek, Westerns, lots of action, a great story, and a beautiful girl, then you'll love this movie! Taylor Kitsch is now officially a movie star. Burroughs really knew how to spin a tale. His Tarzan series of novels are some of my favorite books of all time. Not bad for a pencil sharpener salesman who decided to become a writer. Present day Tarzana, CA in named after the ranch he bought back in 1919. 'John Carter of Mars' is a must see, even if you are not a SyFy nut. It will NOT disappoint.......Oh, what about 'The Artist'? Kar and Glenda said it was the stupidest, most boring movie they had ever seen in their lives! They were so burned that they had wasted 2 hours on it, that they could hardly even talk about it. No big shocker to me. It just cracks me up that such a film, that nobody saw, and didn't collect any box office could reap so many Oscars. I guess it's a testament to the Weinstein brothers who are masters at marketing their films to the Academy. Oh well, 'John Carter' probably won't garner any Oscars, but it has already provided more entertainment than 'The Artist' ever will.........Thank you ERB.

Ice Pick to the Retina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The demise of the Lakers

That's it, I'm done! I have absolutely had it with this year's Laker squad. They are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They beat one of the best teams in the NBA, the Heat, last Sunday, then go on the road and lose two in a row to two horrible teams. Last night's defeat at the hands of the Pistons was unforgivable, but tonight's monumental collapse in D.C. to the 8 win Wizards is unpardonable! This collection of selfish individuals led by 21 points with 5 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter and lose the game by 6, a 27 point swing in only 17 minutes of play. The woeful Laker bench was outscored 50 something to 20 something. Then there is our future Hall of Famer, Kobe Bean Bryant. The guy is a ball-hog. OK, there it is, I said it.....He just keeps forcing up bad shot after bad shot. Michael Jordan was a career 49% shooter, Kobe is a 45% shooter. The difference? Shot selection. If Kobe and Michael had a game of HORSE, Kobe would win every time. But, Kobe never met a shot he didn't like. After he started the 4th quarter tonight 0-6, Mike Brown should have had the guts to yank him out of the game. But, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, he's Kobe. Poor Jim Hill and James Worthy on the channel 9 post game show were speechless. The have had it, too. Anyway, I'm done with the Lakers for the rest of this season. I am hopping on the Clipper band wagon. Chris Paul and Blake are my guys now. But, before I exit Lakerdom, let me leave a few parting suggestions and comments:
1. Commissioner David Stern needs to be water boarded. Thanks to his gutless veto of the trade for Chris Paul, the Lakers are in their current mess. We didn't get Paul or salary cap relief and we give Lamar away for nothing who then goes into hiding with the Kardashian's. What a nightmare!
2. Don't worry about filling any needs this season. That's right. Mitch Kupchak and Jimmy Buss might as well continue their season long snooze. But, at some point before the Second Coming, it might be nice to get a point guard that can actually play and a small forward that can chew gum and walk at the same time. But hey, what's the rush? Don't blow the team up this year, this season is officially toast.
3. Fire Mike Brown now! Phil Jackson would not allow a Pee Wee team lose a 21 point lead, let alone an NBA team. Brown is in over his head. Get him outta here and bring in Kurt Rambis like they should have in the first place.
4. Derek Fisher, please retire now!!!
5. Send Troy Murphy and his line drive metal cracking jumper back to Ireland.
6. Put Steve Blake on waivers or have him shave off that soul patch.
7. Is Luke Walton still on the team? If so, cut him and sign his dad. Or make him a Laker Boy!
8. Cut Metta World Peace and bring back Ron Artest. That guy was not bad. Peace out!
9. What's wrong with Josh McRoberts? Get the guy some playing time. You gotta love his energy.
10. Drew Goudlock, keep shooting.
11. Matt Barnes? Who gives a crap.
12. And finally, just in case I become a Laker fan again, please don't trade Pau!

Thank goodness March Madness is upon us! By the time it's over it will be baseball season. Look for me at Dodger Stadium with my buddies Harry and Mike. If anyone catches me watching a Laker game, go ahead and jab an ice pick in my retina!

Movie Review: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
When the Closing Credits Rolled
Not Open Was a Single Eye!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
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There really isn't much else to day. Aside from Gary Oldman's usual strong performance, this movie is a Must Miss. Don't waste your money. We were among a dozen or so patrons at the local Arclight Cinema for a Friday matinee, who all were looking for a refund after this methodical clunker. Twenty minutes in, I received the elbow to the ribs to roust me from my nap. Holy cow, watching paint dry would have been a welcome respite! For the first half of the film you are wondering what the heck is going on; by the end you could really care less. Just thinking about this movie puts me to sleep. I'm going bed............................................

Top 100 Movies of All Time

When I was a youngster, I dreamed of becoming an astronaut. As I got a little older I decided that being a Big League Ball Player would be a dream come true. Then, after the glory years of High School came to an end, reality set in: I would need to get a regular job like everyone else. So now, I look at feet all day, which is a pretty good gig. But, I still have dreams. Now, I often fantasize about being a photographer for National Geographic, or for Sports Illustrated on their annual swimsuit shoot. I would love to take T.J. Simers' job as the Page 2 Sports Columnist for the Los Angeles Times. Being a big movie goer, I've always thought I would make a pretty good part-time movie critic. Guess what? Last week, I posted my first review . With the magic of the internet and blogging, I've decided to become an 'official' movie critic. To keep the reel rolling, I have come up with my own list of the Top 100 Movies of all-time. When it comes to movies I only have one rule, "Don't bore me." With that it mind here's the list:

Top 100 Movies of All Time

1.                    The Black Stallion

2.                     Ben Hur

3.                    The Empire Strikes Back

4.                    The Man from Snowy River

5.                    The Great Escape

6.                    The Natural

7.                     Gladiator

8.                     E.T.

9.                     Superman : The Movie

10.                   Return of the Jedi

11.                   Star Wars (A New Hope)

12.                   The Godfather

13.                   The Godfather Part 2

14.                   Field of Dreams

15.                   Rear Window

16.                   Planet of the Apes (1968)

17.                   Heaven Can Wait (1978)

18.                   The Shawshank Redemption

19.                   Gettysburg

20.                   Revenge of the Sith

21.                   The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

22.                   Raiders of the Lost Ark

23.                   Terminator 2: Judgment Day

24.                   The Fugitive

25.                   Braveheart

26.                   The Outlaw Josey Wales

27.                   The Right Stuff

28.                   Contact

29.                   Out of Africa

30.                   Capricorn 1

31.                   Back to the Future

32.                   Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

33.                   American Graffiti

34.                   Last of the Mohicans

35.                   Cast Away

36.                   Diehard

37.                   Jaws

38.                   Dances with Wolves

39.                   Shooter

40.                   Magnum Force

41.                   The Sting

42.                   Pale Rider

43.                   The Road Warrior

44.                   Saving Private Ryan

45.                   Patton

46.                   Witness

47.                   North by Northwest

48.                   Rocky

49.                   War Horse

50.                   John Carpenter's The Thing

51.                   The Birds

52.                   Star Trek (2009)

53.                   The Bridge on the River Kwai

54.                   The Flight of the Phoenix (1965)

55.                   Alien

56.                   Batman Begins

57.                   Under Siege

58.                   To Catch a Thief

59.                   The Dirty Dozen

60.                   High Plains Drifter

61.                   Back to the Future 3

62.                   The Other Side of Heaven

63.                   My Cousin Vinny

64.                   All the President's Men

65.                   The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

66.                   The Marathon Man

67.                   Silence of the Lambs

68.                   The Passion of the Christ

69.                   Star Man

70.                   Where Eagles Dare

71.                   Bullit

72.                   Tombstone

73.                   Midnight Run

74.                   Forest Gump

75.                   Silverado

76.                   The Bounty

77.                   Play Misty For Me

78.                   The Wizard of Oz

79.                   Con Air

80.                   Clear and Present Danger

81.                   Stripes

82.                   Ocean’s 11

83.                   First Blood

84.                   The Edge

85.                   Independence Day

86.                   Escape from New York

87.                   The Firm

88.                   Footloose (1984)

89.                   Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

90.                   Caddyshack

91.                   Matrix

92.                   Air Force One

93.                   Titanic

94.                   The Electric Horseman

95.                   The Longest Yard (1974)

96.                   Sneakers

97.                   No Way Out

98.                   The Great Waldo Pepper

99.                   The Sound of Music

100.                 Red Rock West

It seems I lean towards science fiction and action movies. What a shock! I’m sure you have noticed many glaring omissions from the list, i.e., you won’t find any Twilight, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings movies. Sorry, they just put me to sleep. The only reason The Sound of Music made the list was because my life was threatened by my younger sisters if I left it off. Take that, Karen! Also, you will find no animated features on my list. Until they make a Johnny Quest movie, I am just not interested in cartoons. Many of you may wonder about my #100 movie, Red Rock West? It was a little neo-noir, direct to video film starring Nick Cage as an out work drifter who gets into trouble in Wyoming. Lara Flynn Boyle is the ‘love’ interest and the bad guy is played by Dennis Hopper. Rent it. If you have a twisted sense of humor, you’ll love it! I am sure there are many great flicks that I overlooked. This list is not written in stone. I reserve the right to modify it at anytime.......

There were so many other great movies that just didn't quite make my list. I would be remiss, if I didn’t give them some recognition. Here they are:

The Second 100, and counting.... (In no particular order) 
{This list is growing as per comments that keep coming in}

The Phantom Menace

The Attack of the Clones

Signs

The Italian Job (2003)

The Greatest Show on Earth

Back to the Future 2 

Terminator

3:10 to Yuma

Dirty Harry

The Enforcer

Sudden Impact

Gran Torino

Kelly's Heroes

Unforgiven

Escape from Alcatraz

Absolute Power

In the Line of Fire

Batman

10

Jurassic Park

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

The Breakfast Club

War of the Worlds (1953)

War of the Worlds (2005)

Sabrina (1995)

Rise of Planet of the Apes

The Guns of Navarone

Lethal Weapon 2

Network

The Abyss

Patriot Games

Against All Odds

Young Frankenstein

3 Days of the Condor

Executive Decision

The Big Chill

Avatar

The Deep

The Jagged Edge

Lawrence of Arabia

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Star Trek: V The Final Frontier

Star Trek: VI The Undiscovered Country

Star Trek: First Contact

Trading Places

Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines

Fantastic Voyage

2001: A Space Odyssey

Used Cars

Scent of a Woman

Wild Horses Can't be Broken

Man in the Moon

The Horse Whisperer

Legends of the Fall

Jeremiah Johnson

Enemy of the State

Pelican Brief

Runaway Jury

Speed

National Treasure

Little Big Man

Day After Tomorrow

To Kill a Mockingbird

Psycho

The Parent Trap (1961)

Mary Poppins

It's a Wonderful Life

Thelma and Louise

The 6th Sense

High Noon

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

Double Indemnity

The Omega Man

Dreamer: Inspired by a true story

So I Married an Axe Murderer

The Verdict

Wall Street

Absence of Malice

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Heat

Phantom of the Opera (2004)

Midway

Hawaii

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Apollo 13

The Green Mile

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

What's Up Doc?

Foul Play

Superman Returns

Superman II

Smokey and the Bandit

Predator

Dune

Risky Business

Iron Man

X-Men: Origins

Mission Impossible

Golden Eye

Casino Royale (2006)

Quantum of Solace

The Spy Who Loved Me

Moonraker

Die Another Day

Das Boot

Papillon

Forbidden Planet

Ransom

Goldfinger

Thunderball

Aliens

The Absent Minded Professor (1961)
LA Confidential
One Flew ofer a Cuckoo's Nest
Red
JKF
The Poseidon Adventure
Pretty Woman
Tin Cup
Moneyball

Stay tuned for the next review......