Resistance is Futile!

Micutis of Borg

I turned 56 a week ago. It wasn't so much a celebration as just a ripping of another page off the calendar of life. I did receive some nice gifts: a great watch from my daughter and an awesome talking Star Wars book from my best friend Steve. Birthdays are nice, but when you get to be my age, you really don't need yet another reminder of one's mortality. Well, mortality found me again last night. I had to endure another dreaded sleep study. I know this is a shocker, but I snore. I have previously been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and was prescribed a c-pap machine a few years back. The trouble is, I have never been able to tolerate that Darth Vader mask. In fact, the only time before last night that I ever successfully slept with that monstrosity on was during my first sleep study, several years ago. Well, over the years, the snoring has reached Chewbacca proportions and my wife is threatening to send me to the 'neutral zone.' There I was again last night at Pacific Sleep Center for assimilation. The technician, Tawny, was incredibly nice as she applied glue to my head, face, chest and leg and proceeded to attach so many wires that I began to feel like one of  'The Collective.' Once, hook up was complete, I retired to my room where I would be videoed, monitored, poked and prodded. Finally, after tossing and turning for what seemed hours, I must have dozed off. Almost instantly, Tawny appeared at my bedside telling me I needed to sleep on my back now. After waking myself up snoring about 20 times, here comes Tawny again to hook me up to the c-pap machine. This is what I had been dreading for so long. Let me set this up for you: I have wires glued to my head, electric leads wrapped around my torso and a mask over my nose forcing air down the nasal cavity. A pulse/ox cord is taped to my left index finger with a LED light giving the room a red glow. I swear I can hear Lord Vader breathing slowly, in and out, in the darkness. But, wait, that's me! Miraculously, I have somehow fallen asleep.....And then, Tawny shows up again, wakes me and asks, you guessed it, could I sleep on my back again. Whew, Tawny is nice, but relentless. I comply, and then she is back! Now she tightens the mask to the point of abject claustrophobic proportions. What does she want from me! I thought this was a 'sleep' study! Finally, for the last time, Tawny reenters my sleep chamber of horrors and says, "Good morning." It's finally over, resistance WAS futile.I have been assimilated. I am now Micutis of Borg...........................