The Guardians of the Galaxitis

I am an avid movie goer, I just love the movies! My wife tells me that all they have to do is bring down the lights and roll the film, AND as long as there are a few explosions, I'm entertained. Well, most of the time that is true. But, as you have read in this blog countless times before, I have only one rule with movies. As long as that rule is not broken, then I am entertained. I may hate the story, the actors and characters, but as long as this Cardinal Rule remains intact, then all is good. That rule is? DON'T BORE ME!!!!!!!!! Several months ago, I first viewed the trailer for "Guardians of the Galaxy." Immediately red flags came up. Anytime cartoon-esk characters are mixed with live action, you have a problem. Rocket the talking raccoon, really?(Examples to come) So, I mentally checked this one off as a 'must miss.' This past Friday, the movie opened to huge box office receipts and fairly good word of mouth support. I stuck to my guns and, instead we went to Hercules on Saturday. Not a bad flick, not great, but how can you go wrong with The Rock? And, it wasn't boring! Today two of my best friends and fellow Man Cavers game me, separate, glowing reviews. "Best movie of the summer" and  "This is a Mike kind of a movie" were some of their comments. I trust these guys with my movies and my life. I was off work today, so armed with their comments, I talked my wife into catching Guardians at a matinee showing. M1 and M3, what were you guys on when you saw this disjointed clunker? It was the shotgun marriage of the Last Starfighter and Howard the Duck! I kept waiting and waiting for this snoozer to get better, but it never did. I was bored to death and contracted a case of Galaxitis! We sat all the way through the closing credits hoping for a Marvel Comics final teaser scene. Guess what we got? Howard the Duck! No kidding, I'm not lying! A fitting end to this cinematic debacle. Mike B and Mike H, you guys are fired as movie critics.

Post Script: Here are some other horrible movies where animation was mixed with live action:
Space Jam
Song of the South
Enchanted
Scott Pilgram vs. the World
Alvin and the Chipmonks
And one of the worst movies of all time>
The Villian

 

OK, I admit I did love Mary Poppins (when I was 8)