Sham-Mockery!

Kim Jung-Un on his Majestic Steed

Coach D'Antoni perplexed over this Sham-Mockery of a season

The Los Angeles Lakers are nearing the end to a hugely disappointing season. With off season acquisitions including Dwight Howard and Steve Nash, the Laker faithful envisioned a play-off run to another championship. Teams like the Heat, Spurs or Thunder were of little concern. Unfortunately, age, injuries, coaching changes and poor team chemistry have sabotaged those dreams. Not even the death of beloved owner, Jerry Buss, could inspire this lack-luster squad to greater heights. After a recent Laker defeat at the hands of the hapless Wizards, Coach Mike D’Antoni referred to his club as a ’Sham-Mockery.’ What a great word, spoken and created by a native West Virginian! An absolutely perfect description of this year’s Lakers.

In honor of Coach D’Antoni, I have a short list of this year’s Sham-Mockeries. I am quite sure I missed some. Here they are:

Los Angeles Lakers: This team will back into the play-offs and then disappoint us with a first round exit. Haven’t we already heard enough about these Sham Toni-Mockeries!

American Idol: Back in the day, A.I., was a TV Phenom. The fresh critique of Simon Cowell, the lovable incoherent responses of Paula Abdul, and then of course the ever-present Dog. Ryan Seacrest was Ryan Seacrest and all was well. It was the only singing show on TV and over 30 million viewers tuned in twice a week to watch the performances and get Simon's opinion. Those halcyon days are long gone. Idol’s audience is half of what it was in 2006. Simon is gone and so is the heart and soul of the show. This year’s judges are mediocre, at best. Keith Urban is OK, Randy is his usual boring self, but Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey are train wrecks. Nicki didn’t even show up on time for last week’s telecast and Mariah is just a megalomaniacal has-been whose career is in her rear view mirror. All that being said, the worst part about the show is the contestants. They stink! Since the dynamic duo of the Two David’s, Cook and Archuleta battled it out in 2007, the quality of talent has steadily eroded. This season, only Angie Miller and Kree Harrison are worth watching. The rest are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! We live in the era of endless reality shows with a singing or dancing show on almost every night. We are over loaded! Please stop! It is an AmeriSham-Mockery!

 

Odds on favorite to win Idol this year: Angie Miller

 CA Proposition 8: Two issues relating to marriage are being heard before the U.S. Supreme Court this week. I hope and pray they rule in such a way that yet another form of discrimination and hate will be eliminated from this great country. California’s 2008 Prop 8 campaign was a PropiSham-Mockery like had never been seen before. Judges, do the right thing!

There is always room for more Rainbows!

 Kim Jong-Un: North Korea is the world's new meanie led by a plump child despot. So, what could go wrong? A true KimSham-Mockery...

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Another psychopath who wants nuclear weapons and hates us. As Jay Leno would say, "Mahmoud Ahmasonuvab...... is one nutty Shamoud-off his Rockery."

Obama Care: Bad for patients, bad for doctors, can't we find a better fix than this O-Sham-Mockery?

The Minivan:  It may be an exaggeration to say the minivan is dead, but make no mistake it has been dispatched to the land of niche vehicles. Need proof? Back in 2000, Americans bought 1.37 million minivans and they made up 7.9 percent of all auto sales. Today, the minivan is just 3 percent of total auto sales in the U.S.—and just over 500,000 were sold last year. It appears Americans have finally come to their collective senses. Was the minivan a practical, efficient vehicle? Sure, but so was that old station wagon with the faux wood paneling on the sides! Nothing but a Mini-VaNockery!

Would you want to get behind the wheel of this 1990 Dodge Caravan?

Or this....?

Lindsay Lohan: A judge recently instructed her: ‘Ms. Lohan, don’t drive.” I agree! What happened to that cute, freckled young lady who appeared in ‘The Parent Trap’? Therein lies the answer, she seemed to be trapped by bad parenting. Throw in the Hollywood Life-Style and gallons of booze and you have yet another casualty of fame and fortune. Tinsel Town, what a LoHam-Mockery!

 

Smart, beautiful, talented, her whole life ahead of her....

 

To this....? Say no to drugs! What a shame...

Michelle’s Obama’s bangs: Madame First Lady, the new style just doesn’t cut it. You are giving Presidential Fashion a bad name. Where is Jackie O when we need her? Or even Barbara Bush! Michelle, you are a Fasham-Mockery!

Which do you prefer? A tough choice.

Gas prices: When you fill your tank at the gas station do you feel violated? Here in So Cal, I fill up at the cheapest gas station in town: Sam’s Club. The price this past Monday was $3.89/gallon. And that’s down from a few weeks ago. What the hell is up? If a maintenance worker at a refinery farts, the price spikes up 10c a gallon the next day at the pump. Oil companies are getting richer and richer, at our expense. I long for those far off days when I first started driving when gas was 27.9c a gallon!! We are getting ripped off and there is nothing we can do about it. What a GaSham-Mockery!

I'm sure you are either shaking your head or laughing your butt off thinking this blog is one big Sham-Mockery. But, hey, I'm sure having a great time!!!!!

Spring Fling

M1 with Dodger Legend Tommy Lasorda at Surprise Stadium

As a baseball junkie and die-hard Dodger fan, one of my dreams has been to be a part of that annual spectacle: Spring Training. When the LA Dodgers relocated from Vero Beach, FL to Glendale, AZ 3 years ago, the dream became more doable and this past weekend it became a reality! Mike Bayard, Mike Hawkes, Ryan Hawkes and myself (M1, M3, The Falcon, and M2 respectively) jetted over to the Valley of the Sun to cheer on our Dodgers in a couple of Cactus League games. Yes, this was Man-Cave trip # 2. Last year we made a trip up to San Francisco to check out the hated Giants, in person. That was an awesome trip. You may have read about it here. For those of you who are familiar with our Man-Cave activities, they are always about two things: Sports and food! This Cactus League trip exceeded all expectations and more than adequately met our two requirements. We also made it to four movies ( a quick review included):
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone> Not bad, pretty funny, don't rush out and see it.
The Call> Started off well, but devolves into total ridiculousness. Wait for the DVD, maybe?
Dead Man Down> Surprisingly good, but don't take the wife.
Identity Theft> Hilarious! A must see!
Enough about movies, let's talk baseball and food.

Friday morning we started the day with an hearty breakfast at Over Easy in Phoenix. The Eggs Benedict and hash browns were to die for! That night we ventured to Camel Back Ranch, spring training base for the Dodgers and Chicago White Sox. A beautiful facility located at the west side of Glendale at the edge of the world. A nifty 10,000 seat main ball park with 8 separate practice fields, 4 for each team, adorned this desert oasis. While the different food choices were copious, the hot dogs were absolutely awful. Imagine a Dodger Dog boiled instead of grilled, served on bun baked several days ago. Yuck! Talk about wasted calories. At least the game did not disappoint; as the Dodger back-ups drubbed the KC Royals 8-1. Dodger Cuban phenom, Yasiel Puig went 3-3. He's big, fast and hits the heck out of the ball. Look for him to be the future Dodger left fielder for years to come. It was a great night!

M2 lounging on the grass at Camel Back Ranch

Saturday we started off with another breakfast adventure at one of Phoenix's favorite spots, The Black Bear Diner. After about a 45 minute wait the cholesterol assault on our bodies began. What a great place. 10,000 calories must have been consumed!

Cavers waiting to gorge themselves at Black Bear Diner

M1, M3, The Falcon, and M2 at Black Bear Diner

Yes, we shared it!

Black Bear Diner Breakfast Feast (The Falcon [blue shirt] ate 4 of the 8 plates of food!)

With full tummy's we set out for the home of the Texas Rangers and KC Royals, Surprise Stadium in Surprise, AZ. This facility was amazing. It was an upgrade from Camel Back Ranch. Another beautiful 10,000+ seat park. M1 had secured us great seats in the shade for this daytime match-up pitting our Dodgers against the Rangers. Clayton Kershaw pitched 6 innings of shout out 2-hit ball. He is ready for the regular season. Another 20 win season is not a reach. Unfortunately, after Clayton hit the showers the Rangers roughed up a few Dodger scrubs. But hey, it's spring training. The highlight of the game occurred off the field. Mike Bayard had a chance meeting with legendary Dodger Manager, Tommy Lasorda! How cool is that!

Surprise Stadium on picturesque Saturday afternoon

Dodger pitcher Clayton Kershaw in motion

Grabbing some ice cream cones on the way out of the park (and also running into an embarrassing drunkard) we hit the road cris-crossing back across the valley towards Scottsdale for movie and dinner. After the movie we arrived at one of the Phoenix area's most famous eateries, Don & Charlie's. This place is kind of a sports bar/restaurant with endless sports memorabilia covering the walls and ceiling. The joint was a mad house! As we entered, and elderly gentleman was seated at a small table with a box of baseballs in front of him. Upon closer inspection, it was the Say Hey Kid, Willie Mays! Willie turns 82 later this year and he looks it. It is hard to believe that he retired from the game 40 years ago this year! The years have not been kind to Willie. He sat at the table like an automaton as his handlers fed him balls to sign at $200 a pop. There was no interaction with fans other than a single isolated half smile. It seemed so sad and pathetic. Somehow, I had hoped life would be better for one of the greatest players that ever lived. Finally, all the balls were signed and Willie struggled to his feet. An assistant helped him with his jacket, then his entourage walked him outside to the waiting mini-van. Then he was gone, vanishing into the desert night.....

Dinner was fantastic. A perfect capper for a perfect trip.

As we rolled back across the valley to the hotel, various spring training parks lit up the desert landscape like twinkling stars in the night. We reluctantly bid farewell to the Boys of Spring, but our next adventure is already in our thoughts...........

Sunset at Camel Back Ranch