Old Men and the Sea

After a multi-decade long hiatus, I went fishing this past Saturday.  The last time I baited a hook and cast the line was at Scofield Reservoir up Spanish Fork Canyon in my youth with Grandpa Bill. We loaded up our hooks with nightcrawlers or Velveeta and angled from the shore, beside a blazing campfire.  We always caught our limit of Rainbow and German Brown trout. But those trips weren’t really about the fishing; it was all about Grandpa and his cronies. But that is a story for another day.  Saturday’s trip was a whole new ball game.  The three M’s and Ryan went sport fishing with renowned TV fishing star, Dan Hernandez.  I was a little apprehensive about this trip, in light of my propensity for seasickness. Heck, I can’t even ride the Tea Cups at Disneyland without barfing my guts out. So, as we departed the tranquil, sheltered  waters of the marina in Long Beach, a scopolamine patch was already firmly attached to the mastoid process behind my right ear, expecting the worst. I elected not to indulge in any of the incredible looking pastries on board, not wanting to exacerbate my ailment. But, it wouldn’t have mattered, because HS Freshman, Ryan and our 18 year-old deckhand, Daniel, pretty much snarfed them all down. Dan took us just outside the breakwater barrier in our hunt for fish. Dan was the man, because everyone in our party managed to snag a fish. Instead of worms, we used live squid and mackerel for bait.  We were reeling fish in as fast as we could cast out our lines. I was impressed with the angling prowess of M1 with rod, reel and tackle. He baited those hooks with squid faster than Josey Wales could gun down a red-leg. He got inked in the face by a squid and it never slowed him down. Ryan was as wide-eyed as a kid in candy store. His proud Papa, M3, kept us in stitches with long winded jokes about various clergy. His infectious laugh seemed to make the hours fly by. We caught heavily armored aquatic creatures such as sand bass, cabazon, calicoes and rock fish. But the catch of the day was made by Ryan, who landed a 55 lb Thresher shark. This top of the line predator put up quite a battle, but ultimately Dan hooked it with the gaff, as Ryan reeled her in and tossed it into the boat. What a catch! What a day! Even yours truly, M2, managed to not lose my cookies! We left the marina, after 6 hours of fishing, with several bags of delicious filleted fish and 18 shark steaks! I’m not sure when I’ll go deep sea sport fishing again, but this trip helped me remember one very important thing: How many fish you catch isn't really that important, it is the company you keep. That's what makes all the difference!

 

Sports Talk Overload

Who could ever believe that I have reached Sports Talk Overload? Certainly my lovely wife will never believe it, even if I swear on a stack of bibles.  But, I’m there. This summer of sports discontent has finally done me in. Whew, what a summer it has been! First, the NFL lock-out. Those wing-nuts waged the battle royale between   their bunch of billionaires on one side and a glob of millionaires on the other. Thank goodness that was finally settled…………………….so we could hear more talk on the radio about................ the NBA lockout. Those despot owners and their militant fearless leader David Stern aren’t even talking anymore to their spoiled brat players, led by Laker D Fish. I guess that $5,000,000 average annual NBA salary just ain’t cutting it. In the immortal words of the now retired strangler swing-man, Latrell Sprewell, “I gotta feed my family.’  So instead of talking about free agent signings and Jimmer Fredette's rookie season we have to hear about the ridiculous antics of Metta World Peace, er, Ron Artest....... or Kobe Bryant rough housing at church. Heck, The Black Mamba can’t even go to church anymore. He whacked some guy who was trying to snap a photo, now that loser has filed a suit! Holy crap! Those damn lawyers! Who knew Kobe even went to church? Marie Osmond attended my church a few months back. Thank goodness no one tried to get her picture! For heck's sake, summer should be for baseball, but for Dodger fans, this season has been like  having a toenail removed without anesthesia.  'Malignant' Frank McCourtoma has turned Dodger Stadium  into an aging mausoleum with only a few faithful mourners left to cheer on their mostly minor leaguesk heroes. If it weren’t for Matt Kemp, Clayton Kershaw and Dodger Dogs we’d be total goners. So much for the National Pastime. 

Then, last week I read this, in my favorite rag, Sport Illustrated:

“Sign of the Apocalypse: A female Georgia Tech fan has filed a civil lawsuit claiming that security at a Yellow Jackets football game last year gave her a full strip search in pursuit of a Chick-fil-A sandwich that they believed she was smuggling into Bobby Dodd Stadium.” That is just hilarious! Finally, something to laugh about this summer. I am counting my lucky stars. Several years ago I smuggled a piece of strawberry cheese cake into a movie theater. I’m glad I escaped the strip search. Sadly, my yellow sweater got stained from having hidden the gooey pastry in the back of my pants. (True story) But finally, today was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After work, I hopped into my faithful F-150 for the short commute home. I tuned into ESPN 710 LA and what were they yakking about? Michael Vick. Huh? He’s old news isn’t he? Oh, I guess not. The fill in hosts were speculating about comments made by Vick in a recent article in some fish wrap. Apparently, they droned, Vick really didn’t want to play for the Eagles after his stint in the big house. Commish Roger Goddell steered him to Philly. My response? Who gives a crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, can’t the NFL regular season start now???????????????????? When is BYU’s first game? Let’s play this Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will this sports summer from Hell ever end?

But, alas, like a rubber necking motorist gawking at the burning sports car, I’m sure I will tune into Sports Talk radio again tomorrow.

"I never met an ape I didn't like."

Up until my teenage years, summer vacations were always road trips to Twin Falls, ID to visit Granny and Granddad. And, do know what? We couldn’t have had better trips! Twin Falls had it all: Shoshone Falls on the Snake River, the Pioneers minor league baseball team, endless potato farms, rocks of all kinds and J.J. Newberry where Granny worked. We got to go to her ‘secret ‘office upstairs and spy on all of the customers. Granny even let us open the safe and look at all of that cash! The summer of 1968 was no exception. One night on this trip was “guy’s night out.” My Granddad, Dad and me went out for a movie. All the girls stayed home and played games. We saw this new Sci Fi picture starring everyone’s favorite movie star, Charlton Heston, in The Planet of the Apes. Of course we loved the movie. That Statue of Liberty scene had to be one of the greatest film endings of all time. The three of us talked for hours, after the movie, about time travel, Einstein’s Theory, and time dilation. But the big question was, could apes really learn how to talk? I have been a devoted “Ape” fan ever since. I loved all those sequels in the early 70’s and gave a big thumbs up to Tim Burton’s 2001 remake starring Mark Wahlberg.  But, last week the sacred scrolls were rewritten! It was with much anticipation that my daughter and I went to ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ on Friday and with very lofty expectations. Those expectations were fulfilled beyond my wildest dreams!

This is the perfect summer movie. It has it all, great performances, great plot, incredible special effects, the perfect prequel to Planet of the Apes. It was a true thrill for Ape fans everywhere. Hopefully, this will reboot the franchise once again! Homage to the original film was paid by using the two most memorable lines:

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" ….and

“This is a madhouse!”

Interestingly enough, both of these lines are spoken by the same character in the new film whose life meets a ‘shocking’ end. Go see the movie! Call me, I’ll go with you! This is not a movie review per say, so I won't spoil the ending, but you will not be disappointed. But, c'mon, you probably know how it comes out. Your next visit to Muir Woods in Marin County, CA (just across the Golden Gate from San Francisco) will never be the same. Don’t forget to look up………... It could be 1968 again. Hail Caesar!!!!

Yosemite: A Cautionary Tale

Back in the heydays of SNL, Dan Aykroyd portrayed the survivor of a bear attack at an unnamed national park. This fictional skit of an inane talk show displayed Dan's horrible scars and profound facial disfigurement. When questioned by the host as to how he had sustained his awful injuries, he responded that he had attempted to feed a bear a Twinkie. Dan demonstrated by placing a Twinkie in his mouth and showed how he then had coaxed a bear to come in get it. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure what had happened to this mindless moron. The bit was good for a lot of laughs. Sadly, this long ago parody has been mirrored by recent, real life tragedies in many U.S. National Parks specifically, Yosemite Park in California. Quoting from AP, “Fourteen people have died so far this year; including three who were swept over Vernal Fall two weeks ago while taking photographs upstream in the Merced River. In 2007, seven people were killed at the park, the most in any recent year until this one. One factor in the high number of deaths is a record snowfall that has created treacherous snowmelt, swelling streams and rivers at a time of year when nature in Yosemite is supposed to be relatively tranquil.” This past Sunday, a 26 year-old woman fell 600 feet to her death while attempting to climb the slippery granite walls of Half Dome in a thunderstorm. The three hikers, who were swept over Vernal Fall, scaled a barricade, ignored warning signs and went INTO an apparently calm pool of water in the river to snap some photos. They were unaware of the swift current below the surface. All three lost their footing on slippery rocks and were swept over the falls to their deaths. Their bodies have been claimed by the violent torrents of the Merced River and have yet to be recovered.
My heart goes out to the families and friends of those who have perished, but the majority of these deaths were totally preventable if only good common sense had been practiced. Yosemite is one my favorite places on earth. Its beauty is unparalleled on the globe. My family and I have been there many times during all four seasons. Summer crowds in Yosemite are comparable to Disneyland, but that is where the similarity ends. Regrettably, many tourists think they are at the Magic Kingdom and underestimate the power of Mother Nature. Lack of preparation, improper or insufficient gear, disregard of weather reports and warning signs, and veering off the marked trail can lead to tragedy. While Grizzly Peaks at Disney’s California Adventure may provide safe, simulated cheap thrills of river rafting, the rapids of the Merced River may appear benign, but can be deadly. Please be safe, be smart, and be prepared. Give the rocks, rivers and mountains of our great national parks the respect they deserve. The greatest photo ever shot is not worth a human life.