"Festively Jovial."

After a recent LA Lakers defeat, giving them an 0-4 record to start the season, Kobe Bryant was asked by a reporter, "Kobe, how do you feel going 0-4? Kobe responded sarcastically, "Festively jovial."  Now that is an awesome response to a very stupid question. The LA Times' Mike Bresnahan should know better. As I sit here in front of the computer watching midterm election coverage and the Lakers on their way to defeat number 5, it got me thinking about historic quotes from various sports personalities. Kobe Bryant is a very intelligent guy, but as you will see, many of his fellow jocks can't make the same claim. 

What will Kobe look like when the Lakers finish 8-74?

Drew Gooden: "I've had to overcome a lot of diversity." 

Greg Norman: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

Jerry Rice: "I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that."

Doug Collins: “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”

Tracy McGrady: My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction."

Dennis Rodman: ""Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."

Pedro Guerrero: "Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean."

Chuck Nevitt: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

Karl Malone: “I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!"

Shelby Metcalf: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.” (what he told a player who received four F's and a D)

Torrin Polk: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Mike Greenwell: "I'm just a four-wheel-drive pickup kind of guy, and so's my wife." 

Don King: "He's the Man of the Hour, at this particular moment."

Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Jose Canseco: "Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated."

George Rogers: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Ron Meyer: "It's not like we came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids." (on whether his staff could lead the Colts to the promised land)

Andre Dawson: "I want all the kids to copulate me." (on the need to be a role model)

Shaquille O’Neal: “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.” (in reference to being asked whether he'd been to the Parthenon while in Greece)

Bill Cowher: "We're not attempting to circumcise rules."

Lou Duva: "You can sum up this sport in two words, you never know."

Mike Tyson: "Fade into Bolivian, I guess." (his response to what he'd do after retiring from boxing)

Mike Cameron: "The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”

Actual photo of Adam and Eve.

 Carl Everett: "God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve, The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

Not mentioned in the Bible.

 Now, my favorites:
 Yogi Berra (New York Yankee Hall of Fame Catcher) Quotes:

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

It gets late early out there.

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

"Surprise me." (when asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried)